Living with an Alcoholic Parent

Is living with an alcoholic parent harmful?

Many children have a secret. The secret is their parent is an alcoholic. While most children have stresses in their lives, children that live with an alcoholic parent have extra stress. Alcoholism is a disease that often tears families apart. Often, alcoholic parents are emotionally or physically abusive to others in the family. Sometimes drunk parents get violent or they do embarrassing things in public.

Children of alcoholics may:

• Abuse drugs or alcohol themselves.
• Avoid inviting friends home.
• Become a family clown or peacemaker to smooth over troubles.
• Become super-responsible, like a miniature adult.
• Blame themselves for a parent's alcoholism. The parent may also blame the child. As a result, many children of alcoholics feel unloved and unlovable.
• Feel angry and disappointed by parents.
• Feel depressed or suicidal.
• Feel lonely and helpless to change things.
• Have problems in school.
• Have unexplained physical symptoms like headaches or stomachaches.
• Lie, steal, or become violent.
• Worry all the time about whether the alcoholic parent will get sick or injured or become violent.

What can I do to help?

If you know a child living in an alcoholic home:

• Gently encourage the child to talk about life and listen to what they say.
• Tell the child that he or she did not cause, and cannot control or cure the parent's drinking problem.
• Tell the child that alcoholism is a disease and it's okay to love the parent but hate the disease.
• If the parent drinks and drives, give the child your phone number and offer to come pick him or her up.
• Invite the child to an outing or offer a quiet place to do homework.

If you have an alcoholic parent:

• Find out more about alcoholism and its effects on family members of alcoholics.
• Talk about your feelings and experiences with a friend, relative, school counselor, teacher, religious leader, or healthcare provider. Talking to someone about your feelings can help you feel less alone.
• Get involved in doing fun things at school such as the school band, Boy or Girl Scouts, or sports. These types of activities can help you forget about the problems at home, and you could learn new things about yourself and about how other people live their lives. Find a way to let yourself have fun.
• Don't ride in a car when the driver has been drinking. Walk or try to get a ride with an adult friend who has not been drinking.
• Don't pour out or try to water down your parent's alcohol. Remember that the only person who can change alcoholic behavior is that person. It is up to your parent to get treatment.
• Do not try to help by denying the problem or covering up.

Most communities have a youth organization called Alateen. Alateen is a part of Al-Anon. Al-Anon is worldwide organization that provides non-professional support to families and friends of alcoholics. For more information visit Al-Anon/Alateen on the Web at http://www.al-anon.alateen.org. For meeting information call 888-4AL-ANON or 888-425-2666.